Carving your blood cells into kinder creatures.

Before now, there was a time when we lay in bed, window open trying to get a breeze in, your hand fanning the book in dizzy circles, and we forgot clocks, and time. Before now, there was a time when we drank the whole bottle of red wine and started another, and we talked about…

The soul travels at the pace of a camel…

The soul travels at the pace of a camel. While most of our self is led by the strict demands of timetables and diaries, our soul, the seat of the heart, trails nostalgically behind, burdened by the weight of memory. -On Love, Alain de Botton

What shapes my heart

There is something to be said about seasons that have to work hard–about people who have had to work hard. My mother is often in her garden: planting, weeding, digging, trimming, watering—growing. Her garden is the result of hours of work, daily tending to, and the never-fully-finished product that gives us tomatoes and cucumbers to…

To his country

Every distinctive combination of people is thought to be its own separate country. A country with its own language, traditions, culture, and, laws that govern the inhabitants’ hearts. You arrive at each country only once. You can never return to the same country again; it has changed. More likely: it has been abandoned by its…

This Grief Observed

This Sunday, July 12, will be the one year anniversary since my dad passed away. The year was marked by other anniversaries, dates and days of the week even, that repeat over and over in my head: the day he received the MRI results, the admission to the hospital, the start of chemo, finishing radiation,…

I sit beside the fire

I sit beside the fire and think of all that I have seen, of meadow-flowers and butterflies in summers that have been; Of yellow leaves and gossamer in autumns that there were, with morning mist and silver sun and wind upon my hair. I sit beside the fire and think of how the world will…

To feel warmth

Last year, the approach of spring made me feel panicked, anxious. Many things did, but the noticeable changes in seasons meant that time was moving (of course it did), but time was also running out. “When he gets better” became “if he gets better”, and then to “he won’t get better”. It meant that my…

Before spring comes

Before the colors arrive–before flowers bloom and grass gets thick under your bare feet and before your feel warmth and your heart stirring, pounding: in the darkest days, deep in your roots, it knew: yes, spring will come.

And now, I carry on.

  What we are is human. So we live and make mistakes, and sometimes we hurt others, but if we are to learn anything, it’s to forgive and be forgiven, and then continue to love, in the ways that we can, in the languages that we know. We are complicated, messy creatures. But: always fiercely…

Learn to love by simply loving

We are made to love and be loved. We swim out far into the dark waters, but we can find a way back home. We are not abandoned; our chances are not dried up. We fail and think that it’s the end. We fail again. And again. And we find it in ourselves to go…

My strong father

Many evenings, I would lay with my dad on the sofa, with usually my sister squeezing herself between us. My father, who started out as a veterinarian, and then later switched to construction and demolition work (being a veterinarian did not pay off in communist Poland), labored for much of his life, outside, using his…

Driving around Cozumel

The island is small: 28 miles wide and 10 miles long, to be exact. The plan is to easily drive around the entirety of it, and the chances of us getting lost are slim; there is one main road, and if we keep going, we’ll eventually end up where we started. Our rented car is an…